Uncle Bubbles - Rest In Peace

It is with great sadness that I report the passing of Uncle Bubbles. He had just recently been released from prison, and was making excellent progress in the battle against his lifelong popcorn addiction.




Uncle Bubbles met his unfortunate end sometime last night when he was locked inside the Towne Cinemas ("Sticky Shoe Cinemas") in American Fork. Police reports indicate that he demanded his money back after an unsatisfactory viewing experience. After being turned away by theater management, he retreated to the men's room to regain his composure. Upon leaving the restroom, he found that he had been locked inside the theater complex for the night.

An unidentified cinema worker found his lifeless body behind the snack bar this morning. Before succumbing to the popcorn, Bubbles managed to scrawl short note on a box of Sour Patch Kids:

"Tonight I dine with Orville in Elysium"

Bubbles' tragic death is a shock to us all, but we hope that this most unfortunate event will raise public awareness to the gravity of popcorn addiction - and the unscrupulous tactics of the popcorn industry in general.